I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You ruined the universe
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
