Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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