he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
