I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Michael Bay diarrhea
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
