yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
