my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
