he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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