He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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