I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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