(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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