No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
