Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
