Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Too much gin, very little bucket
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
