Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
