Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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