Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
