I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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