if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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