I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
