I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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