One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
