Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
