Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just cropdusted the office
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
