So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
