I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
pray to the hookup gods
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
