I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
