Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
