I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
