I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
