i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there is glitter all over my balls
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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