you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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