Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
