I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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