I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
