Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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