Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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