Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
