My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
