I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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