and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
