hell yes lets make some ravioli
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
