Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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