I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
