I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
