By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
