i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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