Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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