and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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