Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
