Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
