I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
