2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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