I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
