A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
