When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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