I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
