im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
