I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
COCAINE IS GR8
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
