My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
