and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*