By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.