even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.