Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone