i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises