good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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