I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i've created a new STD.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.