Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
