dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
