Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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