you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
