woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
