why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
