The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
