just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
